What is the origin of the same-sex attraction support group?
In the fall of 2020, I spoke on a panel conversation and shared part of my story, which included experiences with same-sex attraction. Afterwards, students began contacting me and sharing their own struggles. These meetings shared a recurring theme: these students felt alone, ashamed, and isolated.
While trying to live faithfully to historical biblical sexual ethics, they found that they lacked support from their peers. Some friends encouraged them to accept their attractions (as well as the dominant culture), while other friends didn’t know how to engage, which made them feel uncomfortable and ashamed. This led them to feel pressure to never talk about it, fearing they would be misunderstood.
Thus, students were pushed from both sides as they tried to navigate the narrowing path of faithfulness on their own. It was through these meetings that a core group of students formed and we thought about creating a place where students who feel same-sex attraction can have a place to encourage each other.
As we began planning, we created a mission statement, a belief statement, a membership process, and what each meeting would entail. Throughout the planning process, I reported and consulted extensively with the Sexuality Committee, and our plans were shared with Cabinet and Council before we began meeting in fall 2021.
What is the goal of the group?
Our mission statement is: To be a community pursuing biblical discernment, hope, and faithfulness through the Gospel. We provide a place for students who struggle with same-sex attraction, where they can be loved and supported in their commitment to historic biblical sexual ethics and also experience a vibrant community resting in hope of the renewal of all things.
Borrowing words from the PCA Ad Interim Committee on Human Sexuality Report (2020), we exist as Christians who share our common struggle against same-sex attraction and we come together for mutual accountability, an exhortation and encouragement. The ultimate goal of the group is for each member to grow in their relationship with Jesus by surrendering to His beautiful and gracious lordship throughout our lives.
What were the group’s challenges?
As we started planning, I definitely had my reservations. On one hand, I knew something had to be done to support these students – something I wish I had as a student. But on the other hand, I knew it would be difficult to protect him and do it well. There is a history of these groups performing poorly at Christian colleges, even those that start with the best intentions.
I remember that at first I didn’t make any firm promises to the core group of students. But after presenting the idea to the sexuality committee, they agreed it would be a challenge, but thought it was worth investigating. It was so encouraging to me; not only did they see the vision, but they were committed to helping me implement it. Their wisdom, discretion and advice were invaluable to me from the start – and are still very much needed!
The other challenge we were well aware of early on was how to protect the stories and anonymity of group members. We knew that showing up at every meeting risked being discovered. While I am very grateful that God has protected our group from gossip, this has been a growing opportunity for all of us to protect and honor one another through discretion. It helped us practice something that I think our campus can grow into.
What is the aim of the sexuality commission and what is your role within it?
The committee was originally formed by President Voyles to help review and revise the sections on sexual conduct and identity in the student handbook. Beyond just policy, the committee also oversees programming to ensure the campus engages in relevant conversations regarding sexuality.
Current members are Jon Wylie, Stephanie Formenti, Nicole Walters, Hannah Leander, John Wingard, Hans Madueme, Rod Wilson and myself. I first served on the committee as a student and joined when I returned to campus as an employee. We don’t always succeed, but it’s very encouraging for me to serve alongside men and women who truly love this campus, who trust and appreciate Jesus.
What topics did you discuss with the students?
Codependency and same-sex attraction is a lot of what I’ve shared with students, simply because it’s a big part of my story, especially when I was in college. I have also encountered students who are seeking wisdom on how to engage with friends and relatives who support or are part of the LGBTQ+ communities. I spoke with students about dating and marriage. More recently, I have enjoyed conversations with students about gender, particularly about what it means to be female and feminine.
I’ve found that all of these topics are most fruitful one-on-one, when you can stop and ask questions and wrestle with the tricky (and exciting!) nuances. Relationships of all kinds can be difficult, and it was a joy helping students navigate them. Plus, people’s unique stories are important to me – and to Jesus!
What was your experience facilitating the support group?
I was blown away by the students in the group and their commitment to both honoring Jesus and loving one another. It takes a lot of courage and conviction to be able to show up for these appointments. I left the meetings humbled and encouraged more than I expected. It was so beautiful to be able to walk alongside students who deeply love Jesus and each other. Learning to trust God with your whole being is a necessary, sobering, and powerful experience. I firmly believe that those who faithfully submit their sexuality to Christ are an essential part of the Church.